I are SMART! (A Long Mini Review)

[the Teuton]

For all of you that live in Northeast Ohio, y'all (Heck, let's use "y'ins" for this one.  It's Pittsburghese) missed out on a fun day of being smart, or being in a smart.

In Cleveland, the smart tour came to University Circle near Case Western, so my dad and I got to drive some smarts.  Here's what we found out:



The Atmosphere

After signing a waiver, we both embarked on our driving experiences.  Two very attractive women were at the registration desk, so I decided to see what they knew.  I asked about the ForFour, just to find out it's out of production.  I asked about the diesel engines, which are much more efficient, just to find out that they will not be offered in the US when the car debuts in Q1 '08.  They were both very knowledgeable and were able to answer random questions that I made just to see how much they actually studied about the car.  I was impressed.  I said, after one of the two girls mentioned how much they'd been touring around the country, that this must be a great summer job, just to have the reply "well, actually, it's a career" snapped in my face.   

Across from the registration desk there was a trailer with info and crash videos in it with the E that showed the smart coming out virtually unscathed while the E was demolished.  The display tried to point out how safe, attractive and affordable this $12,000-17,000 car will be.



The Experience

Whilst standing in line, two middle-aged women in front of my father and I, were talking about how they're not sure they could give up the safety of their SUVs for that little thing.  I started talking to my dad about the manumatic system, the 70-80 mpg diesel engine that won't be offered here and why it'd be a better engine, why Americans have a negative view of diesel engines, and what kind of market this car will attract.  The women, overhearing the conversation, started speaking about benefits of diesel.  Yes, I spoke the gospel of its benefits and my missionary brought in two new followers.   

When we were closer in line, I asked another young smart rep about the Crossblade, the Brabus and the 6 speed manumatic.  What he uttered in response disappointed me severely.  There will be no Brabus.  There will be no 6 speed.  There will be no turbocharged engine.  The car to be released here next year will have a 5 speed manumatic with a 1.0 I3 in place of the 0.7 L I3 Mercedes-Benz engine.  The Euro car, which weighed 1,500 lbs. and had 61 hp in its turbo form in its last form will have 71 hp in its 1.0 liter Mitsu engine in its American form.  That engine is the sole option for the car.  Do not pass go, do not collect $200.

The Test Drive



I'm an asshole who never follows rules when they stand in the way of fun.  AC blowing cold, seat pulled forward to the legs of my 5'7" frame could reach the pedals, the smart rep with me told me that the car was in automatic mode.  I wanted to drive it in manumatic mode, so I asked how you'd go about doing that.  I insisted on it, in fact.

Out on the road, with my Smart and Passion, I stepped on the gas.  Nothing.  Throttle response was nil for the first two seconds.  Then the car got really peppy really quickly, though.  Without power steering, the car had a nice, heavy, Germanic steering feel.  Shifting myself, I noticed the tranny wasn't too responsive when I upshifted, again taking its merry time to shift for me.  Damn. 

This stylish economy car made me want to like it, though.  There were bits and pieces that had been cheapened when translating with an American English dialect, but you could understand it well enough.  The seat adjustment handle was made of a flimsy, cheap plastic, the dash design was toned down, and the car looked more upscale inside.  However, coupled with delightful dynamics carried on 15" rims, it slowly made me care less about the throttle and tranny response.  Something tells me most people who will buy these things aren't true automotive enthusiasts anyway and probably will never care about transmission kickdown or brake feel or throttle response.  Most will probably be your typical "save a tree, drink a venti double shot latte in a recycled cup" kinda people.  I think...

And Then There Was An Enthusiast



You see that guy in the background just over the roof of the car who looks like he was a former member of ZZ Top?  He owns the 2005 smart pictured here.  He was from Kansas, visiting relatives in Virginia when he saw the smart tour was coming to Ohio.  He decided to follow the tour. 

Showing up in his car, averaging more than 60 mpg, he is the leading first gen smart enthusiast in the US.  As a former personal pilot to Bob Dole, he now spends his time tearing apart his car and writing a definitive guide for other original smart owners so they aren't completely left in the dark in the US.  He let some of the smart people drive his car, just to find out that his car is considerably faster than theirs.  He's retrofitting a magnetic drain hole on oil pan because the old smarts never had them for oil changes.  He has built his car into a better smart; one that will get more than 20 mpg better than the American-spec '08 models. 

Bragging that his car was the carrier of a MB-sourced engine, Mr. Graves, as his business card stated, boasted about his merchandise, his experiences, and his quest to find out how much better the new car supposedly was.

Judging from his experience in the new ForTwo, Graves said he thought there was a restrictor plate on the throttle body.  It's the best way he could explain why the car was so unpleasant and unpredictable at throttle.  Owning ten Corvettes and a few muscle cars, Graves is selling them all.  His smart has changed his way of thinking towards cars.  Instead of MPH, he's now all about MPG.  He's on a journey to get more now.

"I don't know if it's legal, but if I can get it over the border, it's fair game," Graves said with a deep Southern twang. Graves' next idea is to drop the subframe on his car and retrofit a Canadian diesel into his car.  "Some are getting as high as 90 mpg."

Final Thoughts

This car is a trend, a fashion statement.  It's more refined than most luxury cars and upscale enough that even your favorite Hollywood celeb might be ditching the Prius for one.  But it has some drawbacks.  It's slower, heavier, less economical, and it only seats two with limited carrying capacity.  If the two women ahead of me were any indication of things to come, smart needs more nerdy, overly knowledgeable people like me to push lightweight cars with diesel engines and crash cells in favor of SUVs. 

The car is well-built, but with such limited knowledge of how these things work, these micro cars, the mocha latte-sippers of the world, the greenpeacers, the Democrats who give a damn, will have to keep up with maintanence to a T.  This car is a big risk, and if something fails, it will go down with other fabled brands like DeLorean, Bricklin, Plymouth and Oldsmobile faster than you can say schreklich. 

This car needs to be marketed as a lifestyle, a change of pace, a breath of fresh air.  It needs to be the next MINI.  Right now, America is scared to death because Hummers will destroy them in case of a crash.  End of subject.  A car this small doesn't help.  MB needs one hell of a PR team to get this thing off the ground.

Like a go kart, it is fun as hell, but, honestly, I don't think this car will be able to survive in the US. Environmentalists, quite possibly your favorite car ever has already had its 15 minutes.  I'm crossing my fingers, but I don't think enough of America will be convinced to get smart.

[TBR]

It should be offered with a diesel and a 6MT or CVT.

[Soup DeVille]

Excellent write-up, even if you do pull the upscale coffee references off of the metaphor shelf once too often.

I think M-B is also taking a slightly wrong tack; "Americanizing" the smart may not be the right thing to do even if that is what they do with all their other models.

The car will never be confused with a Buick, so don't try to make it like one. Bring it over in full-Euro spec and let its strangeness shine through.

[the Teuton]

Thanks Soup.  Usually I have a copy editor read my stuff, but I don't get that kind of attention at home.   

I completely agree.  This car needs to be odd to succeed.

[93JC]

The novelty will die off pretty quick. Canadian sale figures of the old model are down sharply, and the new model likely won't improve them considering the comparatively crappy fuel economy.

[93JC]

Oh, and if there was ever any doubt, you really are a stocky fucker.

[Soup DeVille]

Oh, and if there was ever any doubt, you really are a stocky fucker.

He says he's 5'7". I'm 6'4" and have approximately the same build.

[the Teuton]

He says he's 5'7". I'm 6'4" and have approximately the same build.

You = scary then.  Yeah, I have the height of a Japanese man, so small cars work for me, but I'm 195 lbs. right now so that isn't working too well.  If you're the same build and 6'4", I'm officially afraid of you.

[Soup DeVille]

You = scary then.? Yeah, I have the height of a Japanese man, so small cars work for me, but I'm 195 lbs. right now so that isn't working too well.? If you're the same build and 6'4", I'm officially afraid of you.

Trust me, more often than not its a pain in the ass.

[pommes-t]

What you write is very interesting.

I hope that the new environment-consciousness makes a few Americans buy this thing.
I actually like the new Smart as a city-carm but I think (like most other german cars) it's overpriced. Too bad for you that the Euro is so damn strong, that it won't make any sense to sell it any cheaper for Mercedes. Bigger carsw with bigger profits might be offered in the USA cheaper anyways, but this car won't.

[nickdrinkwater]

Nice writeup.  I can't believe that ricer stuck a Mercedes badge on the front of his car though! 

[Raza]

I'm not sure how I feel about the Smart.  I do like that the Brabus ForFour comes with a stick, but it's GTI expensive in the UK, I think, and it won't be sold here.

I don't see it being a success.  I mean, it's not a success in Europe, right?  Hasn't Smart never turned a profit?

What I will be interested in seeing is the new Smart Coupe/Roadster based AC Ace, if that ever comes to fruition. 

[pommes-t]

I'm not sure how I feel about the Smart.? I do like that the Brabus ForFour comes with a stick, but it's GTI expensive in the UK, I think, and it won't be sold here.

I don't see it being a success.? I mean, it's not a success in Europe, right?? Hasn't Smart never turned a profit?

What I will be interested in seeing is the new Smart Coupe/Roadster based AC Ace, if that ever comes to fruition.?

I don't think Smart has turned a profit, yet. But this has something to do with the fact that they had to develop a completely new car and build a complete new carmaker. Plus they had the bad selling forfour and the roadster.
In big cities like Hamburg you see Smarts everywhere.

[nickdrinkwater]

I'm not sure how I feel about the Smart.  I do like that the Brabus ForFour comes with a stick, but it's GTI expensive in the UK, I think, and it won't be sold here.

I don't see it being a success.  I mean, it's not a success in Europe, right?  Hasn't Smart never turned a profit?

What I will be interested in seeing is the new Smart Coupe/Roadster based AC Ace, if that ever comes to fruition. 

Depends on what you call a success.  I'm not their accountant so I don't know how long they were banking on going without a profit.  I wouldn't say the Smart car has been unsuccessful but it hasn't done well to the extent that you see one on every street corner - something which I'm sure they hoped would be the case.  To buy a Smart you have to be a fan of its image and uniqueness, otherwise you might as well just buy a Clio or something and get a lot more for your money.

The new AC Ace does sound interesting but I'm not sure how different it will be from the Roadster.

By the way, AFAIK the ForFour has been discontinued.  The BRABUS was that expensive, you were right.

[S204STi]

The SMART is actually kinda dumb in my area, but if you lived in a city it would made sense I guess.

[SVT_Power]

You = scary then.  Yeah, I have the height of a Japanese man, so small cars work for me, but I'm 195 lbs. right now so that isn't working too well.  If you're the same build and 6'4", I'm officially afraid of you.

How the hell do you weigh 195 lbs 

[Eye of the Tiger]

How the hell do you weigh 195 lbs?

The same as how I weight 230. It's all muscle, bitch 

[sportyaccordy]

Trust me, more often than not its a pain in the ass.

For whoever gives- sorry- TRIES to give you a problem

[the Teuton]

How the hell do you weigh 195 lbs 

I get that a lot. 

[SVT_Power]

The same as how I weight 230. It's all muscle, bitch 

see, we know teuton is one big bisnatch since he used to wrestle.

We also know you used to sit around and do nothing (while skipping out on PT)

[SVT666]

You see Smarts around here quite a bit, but I think they are a fashion statement more then anything.  BTW, this is the first time I have ever heard of Smart's getting more MPG then a Golf TDI...which is a car I would rather have.

[Soup DeVille]

For whoever gives- sorry- TRIES to give you a problem

Very few people ever really give me much of a problem. I'm likable. And scary.

[SVT_Power]

You see Smarts around here quite a bit, but I think they are a fashion statement more then anything.  BTW, this is the first time I have ever heard of Smart's getting more MPG then a Golf TDI...which is a car I would rather have.

I don't see alot of smarts around here but almost all of them are used as company ads

[cawimmer430]

Excellent and detailed review. 

The reviews of the new Smart in Europe have been so-so. On the one hand they're heavily improved in terms of build quality, interior, interior space and performance. The engines are still unrefined and noisy from what I've read and the automatic transmission is still very jerky. I've experienced the older Smart ForTwo, both diesel and gasoline versions, and I wasn't impressed much. It's a great city car, but that's it. Stability on country roads was extremely poor - or so it felt.

I've also driven every Smart ForFour model (1.1, 1.3 and 1.5 CDI) and they were the best Smart's by far. The Smart Roadster was a POS I am sorry to say.

[omicron]

Trust me, more often than not its a pain in the ass.

When, in the throes of passion, you accidentally crush wimmens with your thighs of steel.

[cawimmer430]

When, in the throes of passion, you accidentally crush wimmens with your thighs of steel.

[omicron]

Not you, Wimmer.

[cawimmer430]

Not you, Wimmer.

I was wondering what the hell a "Wimmens" was. 

[omicron]

Well, you have mens, and then you have wimmens.

[cawimmer430]

Well, you have mens, and then you have wimmens.

Mens? Like the blood that females... :P