If automakers were people, how would they be described?

[2o6]

If automakers were people, how would they be described?


I.E.


Honda would be the classy sophisticated girl that everybody likes, but others like to hate on.

[Laconian]

Mazda: a cheerful, wholesome minor league athlete

[Vinsanity]

GM: your deadbeat parent who exhibits self-destructive behavior, and your brain tells you that you should leave behind, but you don't have the heart to watch waste away.

I suppose it would be more fun to do this by individual brand...

[Vinsanity]

Honda would be the classy sophisticated girl that everybody likes, but others like to hate on.

btw, if "everybody" likes this girl, then there wouldn't be anybody left to hate on her.

[FoMoJo]

Ford is the spry grandparent who, occasionally, lapses into bouts of dementia.

[2o6]

btw, if "everybody" likes this girl, then there wouldn't be anybody left to hate on her.

Toyota: Your homegirl who sold her entire identity to become popular. She rarely ever acknowledges her old "friends". She works "nicely" with others, but in the end it's mean-spirited and only has one point: to gain for herself.

Nissan: Married A french-guy, has changed a bit........gained weight, changed her look, but for the most part, she's still that goofy teenager you fell in love with in the 70's.

[2o6]

Pontiac: Lady that was HAWT back in the day, but some fashion trends that were a bit hard to let go has altered our perception of her.

Hummer: The young, large, tough guy that is often judged as being harsh, hard, cruel, mean and sociely intept. If you get to know him, you learn that inside he's a big softie.

Ferrari: A talented actress that lately has been relying on her name rather than her actual acting.

Lotus: Similar to Ferrari, but has "acted" in fewer roles. Because of this, she "sleeps" with almost anyone to keep her name out in the public eye, for better or worse.

Lexus: Toyota's disrespectful and pretentious son who often tries to impress and outdo his elders (Mercedes.....Audi.......BMW) but never quite does it right. His labors would be more appreciated if he didn't go around gloating all the time.

[Vinsanity]

GM: your deadbeat parent who exhibits self-destructive behavior, and your brain tells you that you should leave behind, but you don't have the heart to watch waste away.

I suppose it would be more fun to do this by individual brand...

Actually, come to think of it, GM is a dysfunctional family:

Chevy is a manic father trying to save the family's fortune; mostly in vain
Cadillac is the mom who just returned from charm school to find the family in a mess
GMC is Chevy's younger brother who copies everything he does
Pontiac is the pseudo-jock who thinks he's cooler than he actually is
Saturn is the delusional college student returning home from a semester in Europe, wondering why America isn't more like Europe
Saab is the live-in foreign exchange student trying to pick up on the family's ways but is very awkward about it
Hummer is the deadbeat relative crashing at the family's house who has overstayed his welcome

Opel/Vauxhall are the relatives Saturn lived with during her stay in Europe, whose characteristics rubbed off on a little too much
Holden is the Aussie relative the family looks up to, whose problem-solving skills they try to adopt, but to no avail

[2o6]

Actually, come to think of it, GM is a dysfunctional family:

Chevy is a manic father trying to save the family's fortune
Cadillac is the mom who just returned from charm school to find the family in a mess
GMC is Chevy's younger brother who copies everything he does
Pontiac is the pseudo-jock who thinks he's cooler than he actually is
Saturn is the delusional college student returning home from a semester in Europe, wondering why America isn't more like Europe
Saab is the live-in foreign exchange student trying to pick up the family's ways but is very awkward about it
Hummer is the deadbeat relative crashing at the family's house who has overstayed his welcome

Vauxhall and Opel are the twins who Chevy recently found out are his (Long adventure in europe........ )

And holden is their cousin in Australia who occationally stops by to see them and keep the family level-headed. (In the form of the G8........or GTO)

Daewoo is the homless teenager who wants to do good, but never had anyone to teach him. Thus Cadillac and Chevy adopting him. (Big mistake)


Buick and Oldsmobile were the grandparents, but since dear oldsmobile has passed away, Buick spends most of her time in china. She's a sensation over there, and she likes it there.

[Vinsanity]

Ah, yes...grandma Buick; retiring in China, but comes back home every now and then to an even bigger mess of a family than before

[Laconian]

Grandpa Oldsmobile, murdered by uncle Hummer... RIP

[2o6]

Let's do the ford family.


Ford: The father that usually slights his "american" family, but gives his european family the best of attention, on account of he feels guilty that he has TWO families in the first place.

Lincoln: The longtime wife of ford, has this "old luxury" way about her. Very staid, conservitive and has stuck through the family's trying times.

Mazda: Their Japanese adopted son. He's been getting too "american" in his ways, so they pushed him out of the house (but still let him know that he has their support) to discover his heritage.

Mercury: Their daughter that used to be attractive, but now she's trying wayyy too hard. She needs to realize that she's too old for some things.

Volvo: Their "surprise" child.  She's cute, and this makes Mercury very jealous.

Land Rover and Jaguar: Their British Adopted children. Mistreatment has caused the "state" to sign them over to a more loving parent, even if this new parent isn't too sure how to care for them.

[Eye of the Tiger]

Volvo is not "cute". Volvo is ugly. Volvo is tough as bricks. Volvo will rip your head off and shit down your throat.

[Vinsanity]

Mercury: Their daughter that used to be attractive, but now she's trying wayyy too hard. She needs to realize that she's too old for some things.

And she acts and looks more and more like her dad as she gets older.

[2o6]

Volvo is not "cute". Volvo is ugly. Volvo is tough as bricks. Volvo will rip your head off and shit down your throat.

Ok, Rework:


Mercury always kept Volvo down. Mercury was the pretty one, whereas Volvo was always being teased for being fat and ugly. Now that they've gotten older, Volvo is now the pretty one, and Mercury is the ugly one. Mercury tries to dress young but comes out looking very trashy.

[Vinsanity]

Volvo is not "cute". Volvo is ugly. Volvo is tough as bricks. Volvo will rip your head off and shit down your throat.

That was before she went to a modeling agency in Sweden in the late 90's immediately before she left to join the Ford family.

[2o6]

And the Toyota family..........(This is fun........we need more posters in here)


Toyota: The pretentious single-mom who is really annoying and gets on everyone's nerves at the office. She continuously pulls the "sex" card (because I'm a woman?) at the Job.

Lexus: See above.

Daihatsu: Her older daughter that she cherished, but ever since Lexus' arrival, she gets almost no attention from her mother.

Scion: Idiot, Trendoid son of Toyota. He often imitates his sister Daihatsu but does eveything with a trendy twist. He gets the praise, and Daihatsu gets nothing.

Hino: The uncle that only shows up at family renunions and is oblivious to the trials the family is having.

Subaru and Isuzu: The resentful adoptees of toyota. Subaru is a bit defiant, but Isuzu has given up on life.

[SVT666]

I'm going model specific:

Cadillac CTS-V is that smokin' hot MILF that lives down the street that you would rock if you even had the slightest chance.

[Onslaught]

Volvo is not "cute". Volvo is ugly. Volvo is tough as bricks. Volvo will rip your head off and shit down your throat.

Bricks with wheels aren't intimidating. And Volvo is way too safe to get into a fight.

[Eye of the Tiger]

Bricks with wheels aren't intimidating. And Volvo is way too safe to get into a fight.

My Volvo almost got into a fight with a Ford Taurus this morning who decided it needed to race to get ahead of me before the two lanes merged into one, then 100 feet later the cunt decided to turn left. The Volvo's turbo spooled rapidly in outrage, but otherwise kept its cool.

[Vinsanity]

Nissan is the dorky average Joe turned stylish and trendy by a charismatic French woman he randomly encountered and married

Renault is a charismatic French woman who never ceases to intrigue

Infiniti is Nissan's overachieving son who with the help of his French stepmom, dreams up wacky ideas that for the most part, actually work, to the chagrin of his colleages Lexus and BMW.

[the Teuton]

I'm not going to play this game.  I was about the post a picture of a butch lesbian for Subaru, but then I remembered that I drive one.

[2o6]

I'm not going to play this game.  I was about the post a picture of a butch lesbian for Subaru, but then I remembered that I drive one.

Not the point. Their business decisions, as well as their product line and relations with other companies influence these questions.

[Vinsanity]

VW: old friend who was more down-to-earth when you grew up together, but now acts all snooty ever since finishing his ivy league edumacation

Audi: the older, more understated sibling who VW followed in getting an ivy league edumacation. Is annoyed that VW keeps trying to copy everything she does

Porsche: stern father of the two siblings who insists on doing things a certain way, and is not a fan of change

Lambo and Bentley: distant eccentric cousins who enjoy portraying stereotypical Italian machismo and British poshness. Lambo wears sideburns and a pompadour and Bentley wears a monocle.

[2o6]

VW: old friend who was more down-to-earth when you grew up together, but now acts all snooty ever since finishing his ivy league edumacation

Audi: the older, more understated sibling who VW followed in getting an ivy league edumacation. Is annoyed that VW keeps trying to copy everything she does

Porsche: stern father of the two siblings who insists on doing things a certain way, and is not a fan of change

Lambo and Bentley: distant eccentric cousins who enjoy portraying stereotypical Italian machismo and British poshness. Lambo wears sideburns and a pompadour and Bentley wears a monocle.

Skoda: Their frugal brother that wasn't the most attractive, but still he looks good in a suit.

Bugatti: Their older sister who is really fameous, talented, and despite all of her success, she's still the down-to-earth girl we all like.

SEAT: The Mother of everyone, and wife of Porsche. She is cute, but lately (from the oppression of her husband) she feels as If she cannot do what she wants. Their father/wife is has put their daughter VW in competition with SEAT, and sadly VW is winning. SEAT feels terrible, and she preforms a lot of things listlessly.